Some Back Story...

This post was originally written May 23, 2013.

I feel like the events that have led my life to where it is now warranted a bit of backstory. In effort of not dragging all that out, lets just hit the main points.

I was married in 2005 to a man that I thought would forever protect my heart. A year and a half later, he was deployed and cheated on me with a female sailor, though I did not find out about this indiscretion until 2009. The night I found out was awful. I was blamed for the whole incident, accused of 'snooping', and told that had I been a better wife it never would have happened. For whatever reason, I believed it all and tried to move forward. 

Fast-forward to October of 2010, I found out about another affair. This time with a recruit that he was in charge of. He kept letters from her as well as photos she had given him that I found. This pattern was destined to continue, and I should have known better... However, I tried once again to move on as a family. 

Then in March of 2011, we were set to PCS back to San Diego from Chicago. I left a couple weeks ahead of him. During that time, he decided to drive to Virginia to see another prior recruit, but lie to me and tell me he went to see his mother, while spending all of the money he had to drive to San Diego. I found out about that one for sure when we moved into our new house and I found receipts for Virginia... which is not on the way to San Diego from Chicago. Once again, I stayed.

A couple months later I notice that he is being incredibly guarded over his phone. I wait for him to fall asleep one night and then I went through it. Sure enough, there were numerous text messages between him and (as I later found out) a female from his new command talking about inappropriate things. Once I confronted him, he smashed his phone to pieces... as if I hadn't saved the messages already. He claimed to have ended that affair, but numerous accusations kept coming from the ship saying it was still going on, and then he admitted (for once) that they did in fact hook up again on this most recent deployment. 

There were other situations that seemed off to me (being guarded over phone conversations, having profiles on adult and dating websites, insisting on having a separate phone line from me so I can't access the bill...), but these were the only ones I was able to get actual confirmation on. Somewhere along the line, I checked out. I'm not sure when it happened, but it did. I'm just sorry it hadn't happened sooner.

As a result of all of this anguish I endured for a number of years, always believing that I was the problem, that I wasn't being the best wife I could have been, I finally had enough. I had this realization while he was away on deployment. Every time he would be in port for a few days and hadn't called me yet, I knew. If I have any regrets about everything, it would have to be that I didn't keep myself in check until he was home from the deployment and tell him I was leaving him face to face. Instead, I allowed myself to fall in love with someone else. 

Another married man. 

I then became the very person I hated most in this world. But at the time, and even now (while I'm being honest), it didn't matter. It didn't matter because I had finally found someone who was able to open my eyes to the kind of life I was dragging myself and my children through, and who helped me build the courage to do what I should have done long ago. 

For the rest of my life, I will always be in debt to him for saving me in the way that he did. Everyday, I look at him and I finally know what love was really supposed to feel like. I thought I knew what it was... but looking back on everything now, I realize I was wrong. People don't treat those they love the way I was treated for so long. I allowed the behavior to continue, but only with precise timing. Only until the one I was meant for came into my life.

-Ashleigh