Starter Marriages

This post was originally written May 28, 2013.

Mike says that we were on our starter marriages when we met. It was funny at the time, and then the more I think about it, the more right I feel like he is. We learned a lot. We were both married for 7 years, both got married too young. We didn't know who we were ourselves and we certainly did not know our brand new spouses all that well. We never had the time for the real 'dating' stage before just jumping right into marriages. We allowed our relationship to develop on a slow burn because of that. Although, truth be told, at the start, this is never what we intended.

Our spouses were on the same ship, deployed together. Everyone close to me knew about most of my exes indiscretions. I wore my unhappiness on my sleeve, even if I didn't realize it at the time. Mike, however, had kept his unhappiness to himself. A very well guarded secret. There are a lot of factors in all of that for him, but that is not my story to tell. He tells me that the first time we met, he knew that one day he would have me. I was drawn to him, but I didn't know why. After all, I hardly knew the guy.

A couple months after the first time we met, we were brought together again for a command rock climbing event that we coordinated on together via email. When I left that day, I knew we were going somewhere. Not because of anything that was said... it was just a feeling. The next morning, I sent him a thank you message, and our conversation just took off from there. Over the course of time, I opened up to him more than anyone else close to me. He made me feel incredibly safe. Somehow, his words resonated more with me, even though other people had told me the same thing repeatedly. "Leave him." "You deserve better." "You're better than this life." For whatever reason, it finally made sense. I had finally made the decision I should have made years ago.

After a few short weeks... I knew I was in deep with Mike. I was developing real feelings for him. After a couple months, I knew he was the one for me. But we still had a major hurdle. The ship was coming back home a couple months ahead of schedule, which gave us less time to soften the blow for our spouses. So, a few days before their return home, we just told them. It was better that they hear it from us that from someone else. For a few weeks from that point, my world was turned upside down and inside out.

I came dangerously close to loosing Mike. But I did something I never thought I'd be able to do, and in the long run it worked out in my favor.

I let him go.

-Ashleigh