When you come from a past like mine, you begin to feel like love is an unattainable privilege for perfect people without a flawed personal history. You watch movies or read romantic novels and think 'Aw, that's cute.' But you never allow yourself to believe that love like that is actually possible for you. It's not a realistic idea to be entertained. You become content just believing that it's not a real thing. You're not missing out on anything. Even if the fairy tales were true, you certainly weren't good enough to deserve anyone's undying love. But then, for reasons unknown to me, someone is sent your way to make you see the light.
The person sent to you can come in many forms. It could be your child, a great friend, a future lover... But for me... As crazy as it sounds... It was a dog.
Before you call PETA or other appropriate animal protection agencies, hear me out.
I was in the thick of my lowest point of my marriage when this sweet little white haired bundle of love came into my life. Those of you who know me know all about my Harley. I'm not going to get into the full story right now (I'm sure there will be a blog in a few days as we approach the two year mark since he left this world) but I know that he was what began to clear the fog for me. He loved me, without question. When I was sad, which was a lot when he first came to me, he was there for me. His unwavering love was something I had not experienced before.
The love Harley gave me prepared me for the next stage in my life. I gained the strength to begin to see the toxicity of my marriage. When he left me, my world crashed down around me. Loosing him hurt me more than all the betrayals of my marriage. That told me everything I needed to know about the next chapter of my life.
Not too long after Harley passed, Mike found me. By that time I was barley putting myself back together after my devastating loss. It was enough, though, for Mike to see that there was something worth exploring. He was about to take the reigns and over see the reconstruction of my heart himself. I had met him before, but the day that we met up to do the family climbing event was different. The energy was different. When I shook his hand, it felt wrong. It felt like I should have hugged him instead. A tiny spark ignited in my heart. How was that possible? I thought it was completely burned out.
Fast forward to present day.
Our life together is something I never dreamed of being possible for me. It's not extravagant. We had to leave behind a lot of our material things in California. We sold much of it, gave a lot away too. But they were all just things. I would not have said that three years ago. I clung to my things as though they were my identity. My things made up who I was. I needed to keep them, like a mask. They were a wonderful distraction. Once I had Mike though, I didn't need the illusions of a happy life anymore. I actually have it.
Real love exists. It's not a myth. It might be ignited in very strange and unexpected ways for you. Don't be blind to it just because it's not who you imagined it would be or that it didn't come to you in this perfectly wrapped up and predictable package. Once you experience it for real, you will be insatiable. As you should be. Don't be satisfied with just the idea of love.
Everyone deserves real full fledged true love. It's not just for ogers or princesses. It's for you. You deserve it.
It took me far too long to realize it, but even I deserve this love.
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