Today was the big day! My guy went off to his very first day of Kindergarten.
First, it should be known that he is the momma's boy. He is the one who was in bed with me for 6 months since Daddy deployed the say after he was born. He is the one who knows how I am feeling at any given moment. He is the one that tells me how much he loves me all the time; even just after getting in trouble. He is never short on love and kindness. While these are traits that I am so happy he posses... not all kids do.
Some kids are mean and take advantage of the kids who are kind. So how do I deal with the fact that inevitably, someday, another kid will be mean to my sweet baby?
How would I help him cope if he has some sort of fluke accident and pees his pants or something?
These are the questions ripping at my heart today. I may or may not ever have to face them, but chances are, HE will. It is up to him to come to me. Not to mention what he said to me last night when I tucked him in. I asked him if he was excited about starting school and he told me he was just a little bit scared. When I asked him why, he said because he didn't want us to have to worry about wasting money on new things for him for school.
Ouch.
I never meant for them to realize things like that, though I suppose him having an awareness of money isn't the worst thing in the world. However, I realized how much I let our current issue affect him. This last payday, we got $0. Yea... Bank of America (who will go down in history as the absolute worst bank ever in my opinion.) closed our checking account, simply stating that per the new account agreement, the could close our account at anytime. Except they chose to do it less than a week before payday, so we did not have time to switch it to another account. How nice of them to not even notify me, right? I had to find out at the ATM. So his money went there, and they won't give us access to it. At all. Then the person who is supposed to help us within his command screwed up by giving us the WRONG paperwork to get it fixed. Insult to injury. So anyway, the point is that we had no money come in this payday making things very tight. I had already gotten Bubba his new stuff for school, so I don't know how that came to be his worry, but it broke my heart. These are not things that he should even be thinking about. Period. Back to the point...
To make matters worse, his baby sister was the one who cried when we dropped him off. We took him to his classroom and off he went. After two years of preschool, it was much less dramatic than as if it were his first day ever of any kind of school. But as we left, Bug started screaming for him and telling me we couldn't leave him there, that he was HER brother and she was HIS sister and we just HAD to go back and get him. So I carried my sobbing princess down the ramp and away from the class before it got him upset as well, all the while fighting back the wall of tears that were building up. Finally she just settled into my neck and cried as I carried her back to the car. Since we got home, she hasn't left my lap. I'm ok with that :)
After Rio is over, I think I will take her down to the library here and spend some quality time with her. Daddy is gone for a few days (which is probably for the best because due to the previously discussed situation, there was no extra money for him to get smokes, making him NOT the best person to live with the last few days) so I will be focusing on my babies and working on getting into a good swing of this new schedule.
I also have some big big news still... but I have to wait just a bit longer before I can make a post about it!! Believe me, it is k i l l i n g me to not be able to post it, but soon enough! It's big for me anyway :)
Happy First Day of School everyone!!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Summer is almost gone!
Who's ready for some updates?? :))
Sorry its been so darn long. Honestly though, there hasn't been much to blog about. We have just been enjoying our summer, spending time with family and friends, and getting ready for school. My Bubba starts school on Tuesday!! He went to two years of PreK, but I am still nervous for him. Kindergarten is a whole new ball game. (As I write this, he is trying to figure out how to play Daddy's Call of Duty game, and teaching Bug at the same time. Haha!) We have an ice cream social to go to on Friday where we will meet his teacher and get to see his new class room and everything. Such a grab bag of mixed emotions!
I am debating on if I want to send Bug to preschool this year, or if she will go next year. I really think the time for just me and her will be great. We can start out own little preschool routine at home. My plan is actually to walk Bubba to school in the mornings with Bug, and then to stop at the community gym on the way home. At least a couple times a week. Other days I just want to come home and do my Turbo Fire or 30 Day Shred. He will have short days on Thursdays, so I think that will be my off day.
On Monday, Blondie had his second surgery. The procedure is actually a laryngoscopy where they use a laser to remove the masses in his throat. There was a little bit of regrowth after the last one, but that is to be expected. This time though, they were able to clear off both sides of his vocal cords. His voice sounds amazing already! I couldn't believe it. He goes back next week for his post op, and basically we will just play it by ear for the next procedure. When his voice starts to fade again, we will make the appointment. He takes it all so well. Pretty amazing kid.
School started back up for me last week too. I'm almost in a rut with school. I have not had a break since last winter. I think I will probably skip next summer... especially since Boats will probably be gone for a while around then. I am enjoying the classes I am taking this term so far. I have toyed with the idea of changing my major, but I think I might just get my associates in Criminal Justice as planned, and then I can change it for my BA and roll my credits over. I think by the time I am ready to start my BA (which at this rate should be next fall) I might try to transfer to a local university. I think I will end up in a Paralegal program with a minor in counseling. I want to eventually get into victim advocacy, so those two areas of study will really help there. Although, I will be getting the chance to get my feet wet in all of that over the next couple of years anyway through a volunteer experience I was fortunate enough to be selected for. But that's another blog for another day :)
As for me and Boat's... we are doing great. We are working hard to make sure that no matter how stressful things get from outside factors, we take time for each other AND ourselves. We never really had the opportunity to have time for just us in our relationship when dating or after we were married. Now that the kids are a little bit older and I feel more comfortable leaving them with sitters (which is easier with family around too!) we are making more time for just us. We are all set to go to this years Navy Ball, which is a big deal after the awful time we had at the one in Great Lakes. We ended up having to leave before dinner because their childcare was awful. Since that won't be an issue this year, we are ready for it! We got the room booked at the hotel the ball is at, I have my gown, and my hair will be taken care of by the amazing Angeline at Symmetricut Salon in East County. I just need to find the right shoes for the dress and cut up my arms a little more (as far as muscle goes... don't be calling fleet and family on me, lol ;) and we will be ready to tear that place up aaaaaaaaall night!!
Time to kick the boy off the playstation so I can get my morning workout in. Then we have some yard work to attend to this afternoon :). Part of me still wants to request to move to a house with a bigger yard... but I love my neighbors too much, lol. Worth the trade off. Unless we could stay on our same street... nah. Not worth the hassle I'm sure, lol. I promise to not be so distant between posts next time!
Sorry its been so darn long. Honestly though, there hasn't been much to blog about. We have just been enjoying our summer, spending time with family and friends, and getting ready for school. My Bubba starts school on Tuesday!! He went to two years of PreK, but I am still nervous for him. Kindergarten is a whole new ball game. (As I write this, he is trying to figure out how to play Daddy's Call of Duty game, and teaching Bug at the same time. Haha!) We have an ice cream social to go to on Friday where we will meet his teacher and get to see his new class room and everything. Such a grab bag of mixed emotions!
I am debating on if I want to send Bug to preschool this year, or if she will go next year. I really think the time for just me and her will be great. We can start out own little preschool routine at home. My plan is actually to walk Bubba to school in the mornings with Bug, and then to stop at the community gym on the way home. At least a couple times a week. Other days I just want to come home and do my Turbo Fire or 30 Day Shred. He will have short days on Thursdays, so I think that will be my off day.
On Monday, Blondie had his second surgery. The procedure is actually a laryngoscopy where they use a laser to remove the masses in his throat. There was a little bit of regrowth after the last one, but that is to be expected. This time though, they were able to clear off both sides of his vocal cords. His voice sounds amazing already! I couldn't believe it. He goes back next week for his post op, and basically we will just play it by ear for the next procedure. When his voice starts to fade again, we will make the appointment. He takes it all so well. Pretty amazing kid.
School started back up for me last week too. I'm almost in a rut with school. I have not had a break since last winter. I think I will probably skip next summer... especially since Boats will probably be gone for a while around then. I am enjoying the classes I am taking this term so far. I have toyed with the idea of changing my major, but I think I might just get my associates in Criminal Justice as planned, and then I can change it for my BA and roll my credits over. I think by the time I am ready to start my BA (which at this rate should be next fall) I might try to transfer to a local university. I think I will end up in a Paralegal program with a minor in counseling. I want to eventually get into victim advocacy, so those two areas of study will really help there. Although, I will be getting the chance to get my feet wet in all of that over the next couple of years anyway through a volunteer experience I was fortunate enough to be selected for. But that's another blog for another day :)
As for me and Boat's... we are doing great. We are working hard to make sure that no matter how stressful things get from outside factors, we take time for each other AND ourselves. We never really had the opportunity to have time for just us in our relationship when dating or after we were married. Now that the kids are a little bit older and I feel more comfortable leaving them with sitters (which is easier with family around too!) we are making more time for just us. We are all set to go to this years Navy Ball, which is a big deal after the awful time we had at the one in Great Lakes. We ended up having to leave before dinner because their childcare was awful. Since that won't be an issue this year, we are ready for it! We got the room booked at the hotel the ball is at, I have my gown, and my hair will be taken care of by the amazing Angeline at Symmetricut Salon in East County. I just need to find the right shoes for the dress and cut up my arms a little more (as far as muscle goes... don't be calling fleet and family on me, lol ;) and we will be ready to tear that place up aaaaaaaaall night!!
Time to kick the boy off the playstation so I can get my morning workout in. Then we have some yard work to attend to this afternoon :). Part of me still wants to request to move to a house with a bigger yard... but I love my neighbors too much, lol. Worth the trade off. Unless we could stay on our same street... nah. Not worth the hassle I'm sure, lol. I promise to not be so distant between posts next time!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Flash Point
Do you ever reach your threshold of stress, that point where you know you just can't take anything else before you burst at the seams?
Yep. I'm there.
When you get there, you also have to know that it doesn't matter if you know you are at your limit... just one more teeny tiny little thing has to get hurled at you to set off the grenade in your chest.
I thought I was handling things pretty well. Not any one specific situation, just everything over all. Turns out I'm not.
Or maybe I was and now I am just caught in this shit storm that I can't even begin to see my way out of. My chest always feel tight. I have become a pro at walking on eggshells. I keep my mouth shut about everything so as to not rock the boat with anyone anymore. I know I deserve more, but I have just been beaten down to this place of not wanting anything more and just being in constant pain. Between financial issues, family issues, school, husband issues, kid issues, animal issues, self issues... I don't even know where to begin. I feel like such a failure in so many departments. I'll get things back in order for a little while, just to let it all go to hell again when the stress creeps up on me.
Not like I need to feel any worse, but who ends up at the worst end of it all? The kids. They want to go play outside and I just don't feel like it. They want to go to the beach, and I just can't get enthusiastic about any of it. I have three of the most awesome kids in this world. They can stress me out and push the limits, but they are overall well behaved and listen to me. For the most part. The last thing I want to do is crush their growing spirits with my funk. I just don't know how to get out of it. It seems as though the only time I get help around the house is when I turn into a total bitch and stop catering to everyone else. Ever since we moved, Boats' paycheck has been short anywhere from $10 to almost $600... EVERY payday, but no one seems to know why.
From the outside, it seems like I have it all together. I'm good at that. Yet even the littlest things just kick me down another level and send my insecurities on a rampage. Still, nothing is done to help them, and if I mention it, I am the bitch for bringing up the past or being too much of a control freak. I need me back. My kids need me back. How can I do that when I always feel like an after thought? I have friends going through rough times too, but I feel like I can't be there for them because I don't even know which way is up. I am in NO position to offer anyone support or advice on anything.
I keep aching for a feeling that I know will never come. Stability. Not just emotional stability, but financial, educational, spiritual. There is nothing but chaos in all areas right now it seems. I used to be the kind of person who would never back down from what I thought was right. Now I just crumble at any sort of confrontation with people I care about. I cave, say what they want to hear, and bury it. Part of me feels like if I put EVERYTHING out there, I might force responsibility to be taken for certain actions. Yet I fear that what will really happen is that I will be left in the dust and made out to be like it's all my fault, like it always is. I have nothing to offer anyone anymore. I just want to curl up in bed with my babies and shut the rest of the world out so it can't hurt us anymore.
Yep. I'm there.
When you get there, you also have to know that it doesn't matter if you know you are at your limit... just one more teeny tiny little thing has to get hurled at you to set off the grenade in your chest.
I thought I was handling things pretty well. Not any one specific situation, just everything over all. Turns out I'm not.
Or maybe I was and now I am just caught in this shit storm that I can't even begin to see my way out of. My chest always feel tight. I have become a pro at walking on eggshells. I keep my mouth shut about everything so as to not rock the boat with anyone anymore. I know I deserve more, but I have just been beaten down to this place of not wanting anything more and just being in constant pain. Between financial issues, family issues, school, husband issues, kid issues, animal issues, self issues... I don't even know where to begin. I feel like such a failure in so many departments. I'll get things back in order for a little while, just to let it all go to hell again when the stress creeps up on me.
Not like I need to feel any worse, but who ends up at the worst end of it all? The kids. They want to go play outside and I just don't feel like it. They want to go to the beach, and I just can't get enthusiastic about any of it. I have three of the most awesome kids in this world. They can stress me out and push the limits, but they are overall well behaved and listen to me. For the most part. The last thing I want to do is crush their growing spirits with my funk. I just don't know how to get out of it. It seems as though the only time I get help around the house is when I turn into a total bitch and stop catering to everyone else. Ever since we moved, Boats' paycheck has been short anywhere from $10 to almost $600... EVERY payday, but no one seems to know why.
From the outside, it seems like I have it all together. I'm good at that. Yet even the littlest things just kick me down another level and send my insecurities on a rampage. Still, nothing is done to help them, and if I mention it, I am the bitch for bringing up the past or being too much of a control freak. I need me back. My kids need me back. How can I do that when I always feel like an after thought? I have friends going through rough times too, but I feel like I can't be there for them because I don't even know which way is up. I am in NO position to offer anyone support or advice on anything.
I keep aching for a feeling that I know will never come. Stability. Not just emotional stability, but financial, educational, spiritual. There is nothing but chaos in all areas right now it seems. I used to be the kind of person who would never back down from what I thought was right. Now I just crumble at any sort of confrontation with people I care about. I cave, say what they want to hear, and bury it. Part of me feels like if I put EVERYTHING out there, I might force responsibility to be taken for certain actions. Yet I fear that what will really happen is that I will be left in the dust and made out to be like it's all my fault, like it always is. I have nothing to offer anyone anymore. I just want to curl up in bed with my babies and shut the rest of the world out so it can't hurt us anymore.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Photo update.
Way too much has gone on to even try to catch up on it all since I last blogged. Lets just recap the most important one... my baby Bug turned 3! I cannot believe this amazingly beautiful little person that I was able to bring into this world. She is just this fabulously loving, goofy, hilariously perfect ball of gorgeous and she gets smarter and funnier every day. As much as I wish I could slow it down, I love watching her grow up into this little lady that has so much to offer. To celebrate, we had a Pirate Princess party for her and she loved every minute of it.
We have a ton more pictures, but these are some of the ones with just her instead of a lot of other people too. After all, it was HER day!
One of the sweetest things about her is how much she loves Harley. He is now 10 months old, so still growing, and he adores her SO much. They honestly have the sweetest relationship ever. I have a whole album on Facebook dedicated to their shenanigans, but here are a few of the most recent ones.
These two could play all day together and he is so sweet with her. I find it hilarious how many people get so concerned about having big dogs around their kids, and mine wouldn't know what to do with a little dog.
One last little update is on the fitness front. As I suspected, after a great loss, I hit a rut, lol. I ended up ordering a new work out system which has been AMAZING! I love doing it... it gets me pumped and moving and I have never sweat so much with a home work out. It is called Turbo Fire. I feel so much stronger and energized. I can't wait to see the results after doing it for the full 90 days. Some days I will even squeeze in a second work out, lol.
One other major thing happened, but that will be its own blog. Blondie was diagnosed with RRP which will mean he has a lot of surgeries in his future just to relieve the symptoms since there is no cure. Like I said... that requires its own post.
I know I need to write another post just to catch up, but this should be enough to hold me over for a bit :) I need to get back to Pintrest!
We have a ton more pictures, but these are some of the ones with just her instead of a lot of other people too. After all, it was HER day!
One of the sweetest things about her is how much she loves Harley. He is now 10 months old, so still growing, and he adores her SO much. They honestly have the sweetest relationship ever. I have a whole album on Facebook dedicated to their shenanigans, but here are a few of the most recent ones.
These two could play all day together and he is so sweet with her. I find it hilarious how many people get so concerned about having big dogs around their kids, and mine wouldn't know what to do with a little dog.One last little update is on the fitness front. As I suspected, after a great loss, I hit a rut, lol. I ended up ordering a new work out system which has been AMAZING! I love doing it... it gets me pumped and moving and I have never sweat so much with a home work out. It is called Turbo Fire. I feel so much stronger and energized. I can't wait to see the results after doing it for the full 90 days. Some days I will even squeeze in a second work out, lol.
One other major thing happened, but that will be its own blog. Blondie was diagnosed with RRP which will mean he has a lot of surgeries in his future just to relieve the symptoms since there is no cure. Like I said... that requires its own post.
I know I need to write another post just to catch up, but this should be enough to hold me over for a bit :) I need to get back to Pintrest!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Matters of perspective.
There is so much that has me down today. My heart just feel heavy and over burdened and I would have no problem just sulking and shutting the rest of the world out.
I am a lucky girl though. I have some seriously amazing friends in my life who seemingly stop at nothing to keep me above water when I feel like just sinking to the bottom. Not only that, but I have friends who are struggling with things that are much more painful than anything I have ever had to face. Yet they are carrying on with just grace and poise.
Simply incredible. Incredible faith. Incredible endurance. Incredible love.
So the troubles I have weighing on me are more bearable than they initially seemed. It may be some of the hardest times I have personally had to endure... but keeping in mind that it can always be harder give you a new perspective. A friend has sometimes said that you should always treat strangers with kindness because you never know what they are struggling with that day. For whatever reason that has been popping into my head more and more often when I am out and someone ticks me off. I stop and wonder if maybe they are in a hurry because a loved on has been rushed to the hospital. Or maybe because they were at work and the nanny for their brand new baby called and said something was wrong. Maybe their 4 legged child has been injured and needs to be rushed to care. Maybe they have a friend who has been having some dark times and is suddenly unreachable... the point is, we never know the battles the people around us have being waged inside of them. Perhaps a gentle smile or encouraging word is all they need to have some of their baggage shifted.
It makes a difference.
We all have struggles that are painful and seemingly impossible; yet someone else is always in just a little more pain. Just a little more broken down. Just a little closer to the end of their rope.
So while I could go on and on about the wild pain ripping through my heart at this time... I'm choosing to remember that I don't have so much to complain about when compared to the trials of friends. I would unload some of their pain on to myself if it were possible just so they could at least catch their breath for a moment.
My heart is still sinking in my own chest, but I'm not alone.
I am a lucky girl though. I have some seriously amazing friends in my life who seemingly stop at nothing to keep me above water when I feel like just sinking to the bottom. Not only that, but I have friends who are struggling with things that are much more painful than anything I have ever had to face. Yet they are carrying on with just grace and poise.
Simply incredible. Incredible faith. Incredible endurance. Incredible love.
So the troubles I have weighing on me are more bearable than they initially seemed. It may be some of the hardest times I have personally had to endure... but keeping in mind that it can always be harder give you a new perspective. A friend has sometimes said that you should always treat strangers with kindness because you never know what they are struggling with that day. For whatever reason that has been popping into my head more and more often when I am out and someone ticks me off. I stop and wonder if maybe they are in a hurry because a loved on has been rushed to the hospital. Or maybe because they were at work and the nanny for their brand new baby called and said something was wrong. Maybe their 4 legged child has been injured and needs to be rushed to care. Maybe they have a friend who has been having some dark times and is suddenly unreachable... the point is, we never know the battles the people around us have being waged inside of them. Perhaps a gentle smile or encouraging word is all they need to have some of their baggage shifted.
It makes a difference.
We all have struggles that are painful and seemingly impossible; yet someone else is always in just a little more pain. Just a little more broken down. Just a little closer to the end of their rope.
So while I could go on and on about the wild pain ripping through my heart at this time... I'm choosing to remember that I don't have so much to complain about when compared to the trials of friends. I would unload some of their pain on to myself if it were possible just so they could at least catch their breath for a moment.
My heart is still sinking in my own chest, but I'm not alone.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Thurday Updates.
So it's been one week since I posted the blog of shame.
One week of being more conscious of what I am eating and how much.
One week of mild home work outs.
One week of looking at myself in the mirror and being so mad at myself for screwing up.
One week of kicking myself in the ass and almost wishing to be able to just not eat at all.
One week of thinking none of it would make a bit of difference. That I wouldn't make any progress at all, much like other areas of my life it seems.
So this morning, with knots in my stomach about what it would do to me if I lost nothing or even worse... if I gained anything... I stepped on the scale.
I know it's stupid, but I couldn't even look at first. Why is it when you are standing on a scale, you some how feel heavier?? I peeked from a barley opened right eye to see my sentence.
Last Thursday it read 138. Today, 133.4.
Whew!! Now the hard part is to not let that go to my head and think that I can eat more crap just because I lost a good amount the first week. I need to remember that I wont see results like that every week (and I don't want to! I'm not trying to get to my birth weight, lol) and that once I get back into a routine with weights, there might be slight gains when I am replacing fat for muscle. But for this week, it is a little victory. One I desperately needed after the week I have had.
I will retake my pictures at the 4 or 6 week mark to try and see if I can really see any changes. I will be going to my very first Zumba class tonight with a friend, so if nothing else, maybe I can at least get some new dance moves to teach Bug when we jam to our songs!
Oooo! Sidebar... totally off topic... but yesterday I had one of those 'Omg, I am a horrible mom.' in a funny way moments yesterday. We were driving home from the store (where Bug decided to pull her skirt AND panties down when I pointed out her skirt was on backwards...) and we were listening to my iPod. The song S&M by Rhianna came on, and Bubba was just singing his little heart out in the backseat, lol. Bug was trying, but she kinda just makes up works. She keeps the beat and tunes down though. So yes... that would be my son singing "I might be bad but I'm perfectly good at it. Sticks (thank God he says the wrong word! lol) in the air, I dont care, I love the smell if it. Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me." Its better than during the Akon phase when he would sing "Smack that."
With that, I am off to a training consultation for Harley. Something has got to give with the submissive peeing. This trainer is really well known, so hopefully I can get some progress!
One week of being more conscious of what I am eating and how much.
One week of mild home work outs.
One week of looking at myself in the mirror and being so mad at myself for screwing up.
One week of kicking myself in the ass and almost wishing to be able to just not eat at all.
One week of thinking none of it would make a bit of difference. That I wouldn't make any progress at all, much like other areas of my life it seems.
So this morning, with knots in my stomach about what it would do to me if I lost nothing or even worse... if I gained anything... I stepped on the scale.
I know it's stupid, but I couldn't even look at first. Why is it when you are standing on a scale, you some how feel heavier?? I peeked from a barley opened right eye to see my sentence.
Last Thursday it read 138. Today, 133.4.
Whew!! Now the hard part is to not let that go to my head and think that I can eat more crap just because I lost a good amount the first week. I need to remember that I wont see results like that every week (and I don't want to! I'm not trying to get to my birth weight, lol) and that once I get back into a routine with weights, there might be slight gains when I am replacing fat for muscle. But for this week, it is a little victory. One I desperately needed after the week I have had.
I will retake my pictures at the 4 or 6 week mark to try and see if I can really see any changes. I will be going to my very first Zumba class tonight with a friend, so if nothing else, maybe I can at least get some new dance moves to teach Bug when we jam to our songs!
Oooo! Sidebar... totally off topic... but yesterday I had one of those 'Omg, I am a horrible mom.' in a funny way moments yesterday. We were driving home from the store (where Bug decided to pull her skirt AND panties down when I pointed out her skirt was on backwards...) and we were listening to my iPod. The song S&M by Rhianna came on, and Bubba was just singing his little heart out in the backseat, lol. Bug was trying, but she kinda just makes up works. She keeps the beat and tunes down though. So yes... that would be my son singing "I might be bad but I'm perfectly good at it. Sticks (thank God he says the wrong word! lol) in the air, I dont care, I love the smell if it. Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me." Its better than during the Akon phase when he would sing "Smack that."
With that, I am off to a training consultation for Harley. Something has got to give with the submissive peeing. This trainer is really well known, so hopefully I can get some progress!
Friday, May 27, 2011
It's not a problem... it's a project begging to be discovered!
I recently fell in love with a new blog called Remodelaholic.
I'm pretty sure that is what I am as well :)
I have also found a lot of inspiration at my good friend PJ's blog. She's kinda amazing. Totally.
Anywho, at Remodelaholics, one of their recent posts was an effort to come up with a better way to organize little girl hair clippies and jewelry without having to be crammed into some ugly plastic bins. You can make it a part of you decor as well as functional. I made me think of the bathroom hair organizer I concocted when we moved.
The best and worst thing about the house in Great Lakes was all the storage. When we first moved in, we did not have nearly enough stuff to fill it all up. We rapidly began filling it. The down side to that... moving to a place with not as much storage! Over all we have great storage here in the new house... but our master bathroom is easily half the size with next to no storage.
Boats and I can be vain at times (lol) so we have a lot of stuff that is kept in the bathroom. This posed the first dilemma... making space with no space to make it in.
The next issue I had is naked wall space. Nothing drives me crazy like naked walls. Seriously. Breakup the space people!! There is no reason you can't hang a picture. SOMETHING! (rant over) And there was this random, naked spot over the toilet in the master bath. They could have given us a bigger mirror... but that's neither here nor there. I needed to find a practical way to fill up that space.
The other down side to moving. Things get broken. I had quite a few beautiful wall candle holders that had glass votive holders that a few glass pieces got broken. With out all the glass, it looks silly to hang them on the wall and you can't buy just the replacement glass (unless it is something like Party Lite, which this was not).
So what to do? Throw it out?
Psssssht. Nope. The more I looked at it, the more I was determined to find a use for it. Four out of the 8 glass containers were in tact.
Looking at one of the openings, I realized it was just big enough for me to put my blow dryer in. Then the rest of it fell into place!
Just in case you have the same issues (or just want to make something awesome for your bathroom) here is a little step by step:
First I had spray painted it an antique white and then secured it to the wall.
Since I knew that I was going to have some odd shaped items on it and unevenly distributed weight, I knew I needed to secure it in the bottom as well on both sides to that it would not tip when I put something in or took anything out. I simply put two nails in on either side at the bottom.
Now that it is secured to the wall, you can add the glass jars with your small items. I chose to put mine on the top so that my bigger items would have room on the bottom.
Then you can add everything else. My flat iron is very narrow, but it stays in place when I wrap the cord around the bottom. (Make sure your iron is cool before wrapping it up and storing it.)
On one of the extra open loops, I clip on some of the cute hair flowers. It makes it so they don't get squished and displays them nicely. You could hang necklaces as well if it was high enough.
And with everything all together, it is complete!
There was still a lot of space above the piece, and no where to hang my decorative 'not for use' towels, lol. We have two towel hangers on the opposite walls, but they are so close to the shower, I know they would end up getting used. Don't ask me why I hang towels I don't allow anyone to use... I get that from my mom! So what I did was I took an extra curtain rod and mounted it and hung the towels above the piece. I also hung one of my costume jewelry pieces from it. (I cannot wear jewelry. At least not for very long or I break out in a rash so I don't buy much of it.)
So there you have it... three problems that came together and triumphed into a beautiful and functional piece!
Boom goes the dynamite.
I'm pretty sure that is what I am as well :)
I have also found a lot of inspiration at my good friend PJ's blog. She's kinda amazing. Totally.
Anywho, at Remodelaholics, one of their recent posts was an effort to come up with a better way to organize little girl hair clippies and jewelry without having to be crammed into some ugly plastic bins. You can make it a part of you decor as well as functional. I made me think of the bathroom hair organizer I concocted when we moved.
The best and worst thing about the house in Great Lakes was all the storage. When we first moved in, we did not have nearly enough stuff to fill it all up. We rapidly began filling it. The down side to that... moving to a place with not as much storage! Over all we have great storage here in the new house... but our master bathroom is easily half the size with next to no storage.
Boats and I can be vain at times (lol) so we have a lot of stuff that is kept in the bathroom. This posed the first dilemma... making space with no space to make it in.
The next issue I had is naked wall space. Nothing drives me crazy like naked walls. Seriously. Breakup the space people!! There is no reason you can't hang a picture. SOMETHING! (rant over) And there was this random, naked spot over the toilet in the master bath. They could have given us a bigger mirror... but that's neither here nor there. I needed to find a practical way to fill up that space.
The other down side to moving. Things get broken. I had quite a few beautiful wall candle holders that had glass votive holders that a few glass pieces got broken. With out all the glass, it looks silly to hang them on the wall and you can't buy just the replacement glass (unless it is something like Party Lite, which this was not).
So what to do? Throw it out?
Psssssht. Nope. The more I looked at it, the more I was determined to find a use for it. Four out of the 8 glass containers were in tact.
Looking at one of the openings, I realized it was just big enough for me to put my blow dryer in. Then the rest of it fell into place!
Just in case you have the same issues (or just want to make something awesome for your bathroom) here is a little step by step:
First I had spray painted it an antique white and then secured it to the wall.
Since I knew that I was going to have some odd shaped items on it and unevenly distributed weight, I knew I needed to secure it in the bottom as well on both sides to that it would not tip when I put something in or took anything out. I simply put two nails in on either side at the bottom.
Now that it is secured to the wall, you can add the glass jars with your small items. I chose to put mine on the top so that my bigger items would have room on the bottom.
Then you can add everything else. My flat iron is very narrow, but it stays in place when I wrap the cord around the bottom. (Make sure your iron is cool before wrapping it up and storing it.)
On one of the extra open loops, I clip on some of the cute hair flowers. It makes it so they don't get squished and displays them nicely. You could hang necklaces as well if it was high enough.
And with everything all together, it is complete!
There was still a lot of space above the piece, and no where to hang my decorative 'not for use' towels, lol. We have two towel hangers on the opposite walls, but they are so close to the shower, I know they would end up getting used. Don't ask me why I hang towels I don't allow anyone to use... I get that from my mom! So what I did was I took an extra curtain rod and mounted it and hung the towels above the piece. I also hung one of my costume jewelry pieces from it. (I cannot wear jewelry. At least not for very long or I break out in a rash so I don't buy much of it.)
So there you have it... three problems that came together and triumphed into a beautiful and functional piece!
Boom goes the dynamite.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Worst. Idea. Ever.
I am still telling myself that I should not be posting this. Yet that voice in the back of my head is telling me if I don't, then I will do my usual and not follow through with what I say I am going to do.
Here is the deal. I by no means think that I am 'fat'. I know that I have my own insecurities, as we all do. The things that bother me about myself might not be something that would bother someone else. But I'm not someone else. I am me, and often times, I am not comfortable in my own skin.
The real question is... even if I achieve my goals... will I be happy there? When I first started on my weight loss journey almost 18 months ago (wow!) I had only wanted to reach 150.
I hit that, and wanted to go for more. I wanted to reach 140.
I hit that too. I didn't really set another goal after 140, but for the last 6 months or so I have been tettering around the 130-135 range.
Ever since we moved, I have lost my routine. I feel the winter fluff, and it's making. me. crazy.
So it's 'only a few pounds'. But that is where it starts people!! I weighed in this morning at... oh lordy... (138). Yes, I made it small for a reason, lol. That is a painful number for me after how hard I worked and knowing I have recently been down to as low as 130.
Fact is, I have gotten lazy. I have been stressed out. I have been eating things I know I shouldn't, and more than I need. I am hoping that by posting all of this for the world to see, two things will be accomplished.
1. It will keep me motivated to be able to actually show/see progress as I get back to my routine.
2. It will help anyone else who feels as though they have been slipping up to get back on track.
Staying with a diet is impossible for me. I need to eat what I want. If I don't, I will binge eat. That said, I was using simple portion control. Allowing myself a moderate amount of the things I crave to curb the craving and eliminating the chance of binge eating. So with the portion control, comes a serious workout routine. I have not tried P90X, but maybe I should :) I personally like GOING to a gym. I see people there with better bodies than me, and it pushes me harder. I know for some people, its the opposite.
So... after this, there will be no more chance of humility. It will all be out there, and all I can do is work my ass off to be able to post some awesome after pictures.
Here goes nothin...
My biggest problem area... thighs! I really feel like they have a mind of their own. They dont seem to fit with the rest of my body :/
Sorry the text came out so small in some. Well... not really, lol. So there they are! Just for reference... the next picture is what I would die for!!
OMG!! Carrie Underwoods legs are UH-mazing! Seriously. I was drooling last night watching Idol. Her legs are phenomenal, and I would love to be able to achieve that kind of change! I'm not holding my breath though ;)
Are you planning a full body overhaul for Summer?
Here is the deal. I by no means think that I am 'fat'. I know that I have my own insecurities, as we all do. The things that bother me about myself might not be something that would bother someone else. But I'm not someone else. I am me, and often times, I am not comfortable in my own skin.
The real question is... even if I achieve my goals... will I be happy there? When I first started on my weight loss journey almost 18 months ago (wow!) I had only wanted to reach 150.
I hit that, and wanted to go for more. I wanted to reach 140.
I hit that too. I didn't really set another goal after 140, but for the last 6 months or so I have been tettering around the 130-135 range.
Ever since we moved, I have lost my routine. I feel the winter fluff, and it's making. me. crazy.
So it's 'only a few pounds'. But that is where it starts people!! I weighed in this morning at... oh lordy... (138). Yes, I made it small for a reason, lol. That is a painful number for me after how hard I worked and knowing I have recently been down to as low as 130.
Fact is, I have gotten lazy. I have been stressed out. I have been eating things I know I shouldn't, and more than I need. I am hoping that by posting all of this for the world to see, two things will be accomplished.
1. It will keep me motivated to be able to actually show/see progress as I get back to my routine.
2. It will help anyone else who feels as though they have been slipping up to get back on track.
Staying with a diet is impossible for me. I need to eat what I want. If I don't, I will binge eat. That said, I was using simple portion control. Allowing myself a moderate amount of the things I crave to curb the craving and eliminating the chance of binge eating. So with the portion control, comes a serious workout routine. I have not tried P90X, but maybe I should :) I personally like GOING to a gym. I see people there with better bodies than me, and it pushes me harder. I know for some people, its the opposite.
So... after this, there will be no more chance of humility. It will all be out there, and all I can do is work my ass off to be able to post some awesome after pictures.
Here goes nothin...
My biggest problem area... thighs! I really feel like they have a mind of their own. They dont seem to fit with the rest of my body :/
Sorry the text came out so small in some. Well... not really, lol. So there they are! Just for reference... the next picture is what I would die for!!
OMG!! Carrie Underwoods legs are UH-mazing! Seriously. I was drooling last night watching Idol. Her legs are phenomenal, and I would love to be able to achieve that kind of change! I'm not holding my breath though ;)Are you planning a full body overhaul for Summer?
Monday, May 23, 2011
Missing person.
Where has she gone?
You know... that girl that used to be confident, fearless, and sassy. I have had one hell of a time trying to track her down these days. Every once in a while she will emerge. But her stay is always short and seems to end with a major crash and burn leaving her more damaged than before.
I know what did it. Its nothing that can be taken back either, just worked through.
She takes the most innocent comments to heart, and they almost always crush her like a metric ton. Sadness riddles her face and heart, but the really sad part is that she is not the only victim. When she suffers, so do her kids. But you know what helps her snap out of her fog?
Her kids.
When you see her, you will never know about the continuous battle being waged inside her chest. You will never see the countless insecurities, because even when she reveals them to select people, they just tell her she is being ridiculous and that she should not feel that way. They don't realize, that doesn't help. It's not that she is always asking for help... but just an ear. She knows there is no magic word or pill or anything that can take it all away. Except one.
So she waits. And prays. Repeat.
Her awakening is coming. But for now, she is just missing. Her body will go through the motions, but there is hardly anything left inside. How do you live with a person like that? God only knows.
So don't patronize her. Don't tell her that some day it will all be fine. Don't tell her to stop thinking about the few pounds she wants to loose. Focusing on ANYthing is good for her when she feels like she retains nothing she reads, hears or sees anymore. Don't tell her it could be worse. For her, it can't.
Everything feels like a personal attack or rejection. Everything. Take a minute to think about how that would feel. Even perfect strangers have a sickening amount of power over her. Their words can rip through her and cause even more doubt in herself even when that is not their intention.
You have no idea the amounts of hell she has had to endure. Maybe yours has been pretty bad too, or worse even. But do not try to compare. It will not help either of you.
Don't think that by telling her how awful your life has been, that it will make her feel better. It wont. It just creates additional hurt for you. She doesn't like seeing her friends in pain either.
The battles continue. The insecurities deepen. Pain intensifies. Wounds fester under the bandages. Faking it is the easy part. Living with it everyday feels impossible.
So she will smile. Do the things she is supposed to in order to keep people from asking questions. She's not the type to dump all her troubles on anyone else, so she won't talk about it with you. Or anyone. It's just a waiting game. I can't say what it is she needs anymore. It might be nothing. It might be everything. When your world gets repeatedly flipped upside down and violently shaken to pieces, you tend to get a little disoriented.
There is a happy side to this. She isn't totally alone. God is in her heart, and He knows it all, sees it all, and feels it all, just as she does. Her husband and her children may be oblivious aside from the mood swings, but they are there too. If it was not for them... lets just not go there. But her children should not be what is holding her together. It is not their job to wipe away the tears when it all overwhelms her.
But they do. And it breaks her heart even more.
So don't be fooled. You might think you have someone all figured out. You might think that you know all the pieces, but I assure you... you don't. A lot gets said, but even more is left unsaid. On her search for validation, she will complain about things that are just the tip of the ice berg. Her weight. Her chore list. Her studies. But each complaint has much deeper roots. It is not up to you to get to the bottom of it.
Just know that it's only the surface.
She has moments of great happiness. Everyday in fact. It's just that the happiness does not usually outweigh the worry. Not every day anyway. So until her awakening comes, wait it out. Don't retreat and leave her truly alone... because she will be back.
She has to be.
You know... that girl that used to be confident, fearless, and sassy. I have had one hell of a time trying to track her down these days. Every once in a while she will emerge. But her stay is always short and seems to end with a major crash and burn leaving her more damaged than before.
I know what did it. Its nothing that can be taken back either, just worked through.
She takes the most innocent comments to heart, and they almost always crush her like a metric ton. Sadness riddles her face and heart, but the really sad part is that she is not the only victim. When she suffers, so do her kids. But you know what helps her snap out of her fog?
Her kids.
When you see her, you will never know about the continuous battle being waged inside her chest. You will never see the countless insecurities, because even when she reveals them to select people, they just tell her she is being ridiculous and that she should not feel that way. They don't realize, that doesn't help. It's not that she is always asking for help... but just an ear. She knows there is no magic word or pill or anything that can take it all away. Except one.
So she waits. And prays. Repeat.
Her awakening is coming. But for now, she is just missing. Her body will go through the motions, but there is hardly anything left inside. How do you live with a person like that? God only knows.
So don't patronize her. Don't tell her that some day it will all be fine. Don't tell her to stop thinking about the few pounds she wants to loose. Focusing on ANYthing is good for her when she feels like she retains nothing she reads, hears or sees anymore. Don't tell her it could be worse. For her, it can't.
Everything feels like a personal attack or rejection. Everything. Take a minute to think about how that would feel. Even perfect strangers have a sickening amount of power over her. Their words can rip through her and cause even more doubt in herself even when that is not their intention.
You have no idea the amounts of hell she has had to endure. Maybe yours has been pretty bad too, or worse even. But do not try to compare. It will not help either of you.
Don't think that by telling her how awful your life has been, that it will make her feel better. It wont. It just creates additional hurt for you. She doesn't like seeing her friends in pain either.
The battles continue. The insecurities deepen. Pain intensifies. Wounds fester under the bandages. Faking it is the easy part. Living with it everyday feels impossible.
So she will smile. Do the things she is supposed to in order to keep people from asking questions. She's not the type to dump all her troubles on anyone else, so she won't talk about it with you. Or anyone. It's just a waiting game. I can't say what it is she needs anymore. It might be nothing. It might be everything. When your world gets repeatedly flipped upside down and violently shaken to pieces, you tend to get a little disoriented.
There is a happy side to this. She isn't totally alone. God is in her heart, and He knows it all, sees it all, and feels it all, just as she does. Her husband and her children may be oblivious aside from the mood swings, but they are there too. If it was not for them... lets just not go there. But her children should not be what is holding her together. It is not their job to wipe away the tears when it all overwhelms her.
But they do. And it breaks her heart even more.
So don't be fooled. You might think you have someone all figured out. You might think that you know all the pieces, but I assure you... you don't. A lot gets said, but even more is left unsaid. On her search for validation, she will complain about things that are just the tip of the ice berg. Her weight. Her chore list. Her studies. But each complaint has much deeper roots. It is not up to you to get to the bottom of it.
Just know that it's only the surface.
She has moments of great happiness. Everyday in fact. It's just that the happiness does not usually outweigh the worry. Not every day anyway. So until her awakening comes, wait it out. Don't retreat and leave her truly alone... because she will be back.
She has to be.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Quickie pictures :))
I know I have been slacking in the photo department, so here are a few of my more recent faves. I am hoping to be updating my navigation tabs soon with fresh photos!
Malaya, Grace and Lauren: Marching in heels. Startin' em young.
Who's momma's good boy??
What? He likes to kiss me and he was enjoying the bath!
My amazingly beautiful family. We are far from perfect, but we are a perfect match.
Been to hell and back and we are still smilin'!
Malaya, Grace and Lauren: Marching in heels. Startin' em young.
Who's momma's good boy??
What? He likes to kiss me and he was enjoying the bath!
My amazingly beautiful family. We are far from perfect, but we are a perfect match.
Been to hell and back and we are still smilin'!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
How long can I put off my paper...
Here I am... putting off my papers once again! :) I work better under pressure, lol.
So with the exception of the boys' room, the house is basically done! For the most part, anyway. I say that because now I am embarking on the remodeling journey. Not like a remodel of the house, more like an overhaul of some stuff. Don't worry, it will all become clear as my next few posts come along with the progress of transforming some of my old things into brand new things. I have tons of projects planned, so it is just a matter of staying on track with one project at a time! I am suuuuuper excited for some of them, including the make over of my coffee table, a microwave cabinet, corner hutch, outdoor furniture and more. I am hoping to redo these on a low budget as well, so I will be sure to keep track of what I spend along with each overhaul.
So much has been going on around here, I have been having a hard time slowing down to enjoy the beautiful weather and time with my kiddos. I have managed to restart my running and Harley has been loving that! I take him with me, and I always smile when he see the constant whiplash turn arounds from people seeing how big he is. He isnt even 9 months old yet, and I'm willing to bet he is over 120 at this point. I have finally gotten to a point of trusting him enough to sleep in the bedroom with us. He slept in a kennel until he own grew it, and then in a corral to keep him confined to one area while I could not have eyes on him, such as sleeping time. But the last few nights I have allowed him and Kadence to sleep in the room with us. They have both done so well! I didn't worry about Kadence... but Harley is still a baby. Other than sitting on my side of the bed with his head over my neck until I pretend like I am asleep before he will go settle at the foot of the bed on the floor, he does great! I feel much better being able to allow him to roam.
I got an email about him this morning actually. The breeder I got him from has another litter and one of the prospective new families wanted to ask the owners of the previous litter about our experience with the pups. Of course I wrote a novel... how could I not? Harley has been one of the best things to happen to our family in a long time! Many times I have cried into those floppy ears of his and he just let me hold his great big head in my chest. I talk to him all the time when I am lacking adult conversation. I could literally fall backwards and he would catch me... he is always there. The one constant in my life. It is weird to think about a dog having that role in a persons life, but anyone who actually knows us knows that I am not making it up! He has just been this amazing light for me.
Everyday gets better. Boats and I have been making a conscious effort to remind each other everyday how much we appreciate what we do for each other. Does that mean we never have a dispute? Uh... no. He still ticks me off and I still nag him for it, but we deal with it differently now. The rough roads, the painful words, the seemingly impossible situations have all lead us here. To this place of truly unconditional love. Many people say that they love their spouse unconditionally, but that's just not true. There are usually conditions. All I know is that this works for us. It wouldn't work for most people, but most people are as awesome as we are, LOL :)) No, but really... things are getting better and better and everyday I regain a little more confidence in myself and my abilities to be the kind of wife God wants me to be. Although I would not want to relive most of what we have been through, I wouldn't change anything either.
This also brings me to another change in our house. It has become clear to me that our kids have a hard time listening to us. We say something, and a lot of times they just straight up ignore us. This has lead us to resort to yelling.
A lot.
Too much.
No more.
Clearly the yelling is doing nothing anyway. Do they hear us, yes. Do they listen, no.
Sometimes there is a need to yell... like in an urget situation or if we are in another room and just need their attention. But once we have their attention, the volume needs to be taken down. I had yelled at Bubba the other day because once again he was refusing to eat lunch. After I was done, Bug looked at me and said 'Im good, Mommy?I got no screams because I ate my lunch and I'm good. But not him. Him got screams because he's bad.' Yea... they have a name for it. Awesome.
So thanks to my beautiful little eye opener, Screams will be making an exit. Boats and I discussed it the other night so that if we see the other reaching that point, we can have a signal to defuse the situation. Our kids are smart, and they deserve better. They have lifted me up from my lowest points, they very least I can do is not crush their little spirits by screaming at them over something as ridiculous as spilling water or not eating every last bite of a meal. Is it worth the possibility of ruining my relationship with them? Hell no.
With that, I'm off to workout, then wash my car and return my gray dog back to his white form, lol. Then after lunch its time to get cracking on one of my papers due on Friday :) Perhaps I'll get around to posting more pictures soon!
Me
So with the exception of the boys' room, the house is basically done! For the most part, anyway. I say that because now I am embarking on the remodeling journey. Not like a remodel of the house, more like an overhaul of some stuff. Don't worry, it will all become clear as my next few posts come along with the progress of transforming some of my old things into brand new things. I have tons of projects planned, so it is just a matter of staying on track with one project at a time! I am suuuuuper excited for some of them, including the make over of my coffee table, a microwave cabinet, corner hutch, outdoor furniture and more. I am hoping to redo these on a low budget as well, so I will be sure to keep track of what I spend along with each overhaul.
So much has been going on around here, I have been having a hard time slowing down to enjoy the beautiful weather and time with my kiddos. I have managed to restart my running and Harley has been loving that! I take him with me, and I always smile when he see the constant whiplash turn arounds from people seeing how big he is. He isnt even 9 months old yet, and I'm willing to bet he is over 120 at this point. I have finally gotten to a point of trusting him enough to sleep in the bedroom with us. He slept in a kennel until he own grew it, and then in a corral to keep him confined to one area while I could not have eyes on him, such as sleeping time. But the last few nights I have allowed him and Kadence to sleep in the room with us. They have both done so well! I didn't worry about Kadence... but Harley is still a baby. Other than sitting on my side of the bed with his head over my neck until I pretend like I am asleep before he will go settle at the foot of the bed on the floor, he does great! I feel much better being able to allow him to roam.
I got an email about him this morning actually. The breeder I got him from has another litter and one of the prospective new families wanted to ask the owners of the previous litter about our experience with the pups. Of course I wrote a novel... how could I not? Harley has been one of the best things to happen to our family in a long time! Many times I have cried into those floppy ears of his and he just let me hold his great big head in my chest. I talk to him all the time when I am lacking adult conversation. I could literally fall backwards and he would catch me... he is always there. The one constant in my life. It is weird to think about a dog having that role in a persons life, but anyone who actually knows us knows that I am not making it up! He has just been this amazing light for me.
Everyday gets better. Boats and I have been making a conscious effort to remind each other everyday how much we appreciate what we do for each other. Does that mean we never have a dispute? Uh... no. He still ticks me off and I still nag him for it, but we deal with it differently now. The rough roads, the painful words, the seemingly impossible situations have all lead us here. To this place of truly unconditional love. Many people say that they love their spouse unconditionally, but that's just not true. There are usually conditions. All I know is that this works for us. It wouldn't work for most people, but most people are as awesome as we are, LOL :)) No, but really... things are getting better and better and everyday I regain a little more confidence in myself and my abilities to be the kind of wife God wants me to be. Although I would not want to relive most of what we have been through, I wouldn't change anything either.
This also brings me to another change in our house. It has become clear to me that our kids have a hard time listening to us. We say something, and a lot of times they just straight up ignore us. This has lead us to resort to yelling.
A lot.
Too much.
No more.
Clearly the yelling is doing nothing anyway. Do they hear us, yes. Do they listen, no.
Sometimes there is a need to yell... like in an urget situation or if we are in another room and just need their attention. But once we have their attention, the volume needs to be taken down. I had yelled at Bubba the other day because once again he was refusing to eat lunch. After I was done, Bug looked at me and said 'Im good, Mommy?I got no screams because I ate my lunch and I'm good. But not him. Him got screams because he's bad.' Yea... they have a name for it. Awesome.
So thanks to my beautiful little eye opener, Screams will be making an exit. Boats and I discussed it the other night so that if we see the other reaching that point, we can have a signal to defuse the situation. Our kids are smart, and they deserve better. They have lifted me up from my lowest points, they very least I can do is not crush their little spirits by screaming at them over something as ridiculous as spilling water or not eating every last bite of a meal. Is it worth the possibility of ruining my relationship with them? Hell no.
With that, I'm off to workout, then wash my car and return my gray dog back to his white form, lol. Then after lunch its time to get cracking on one of my papers due on Friday :) Perhaps I'll get around to posting more pictures soon!
Me
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
It's out to get me,
I would love to catch a break in this house right about now. I'm not talking about chores or house work or anything... I'm talking about the house itself! The night we moved we discovered that the fridge was broken. Lovely. Luckily maintenance considers that an emergency and sent someone out. After initially telling me it was all my fault, the tech took the motor back to the shop and returned with a huge apology and a brand new fridge. Does it stop there? Oh no... Im just getting warmed up.
The spiders are ridiculous. Not just huge, but by the plenty! All the black widows and brown recluses' you could want. I even had one spring out from under the folded pillow cases on my night stand. We sprayed for them after we bought some stuff that came highly recommended. Wouldn't ya know, it didn't work. Just light night, a quarter size brown recluse charged me as I folded laundry on the floor. My trusty flip flop took care of that funny business.
There are vents in each bathroom, as in most bathrooms anymore. The difference with ours is that when you turn it on, it sounds like you just started up a '67 Nova in the bathroom. If that were actually the case, I might not complain. So if I am in the downstairs bathroom, and the kids are in the living room, I cannot hear a DARN thing. Then when Boats has his man time in the bathroom, the vent has to run forever and you have to jack up the volume on the TV to hear over it!
On the same note, the air conditioner is crazy loud too. At our old house, you could hear the unit kick on and the air blowing out a bit, but nothing disruptive. The unit is so loud, I actually do everything I can to avoid turning it on at all! At least it cools the house down fast and I can shut it off.
Then there is the hall closet door. It is a bi-fold door, and a few days after moving in Bug opened it to get her shoes out. The whole dang thing fell OFF the hinges and on top of HER!! That call to maintenance was not so nice, but at least the girl on the other end was very understanding as to why I was so ticked. The guy came out and fixed it and said he was going to order a new door because our was busted (duh) but we never heard anything else about it. Today it fell off again. Luckily I was the one opening it and I caught it before it actually fell. But really??!? Come on! Give a girl a break. I don't want to call and give them this crazy long list, but lets be real here... they are getting a crap ton of money in rent, the least they can do is a few upgrades and make sure there are not life threatening bugs in the house!!
So while I am loving getting my Cali color back in the 80+ degree weather, I would also enjoy having a house that will not make me go gray before I turn 26 next month! Once I get a little more time, Ill put up some photos of the house :) Even if it hates me, I still made it all purdy on the inside.
Mrs. J.
The spiders are ridiculous. Not just huge, but by the plenty! All the black widows and brown recluses' you could want. I even had one spring out from under the folded pillow cases on my night stand. We sprayed for them after we bought some stuff that came highly recommended. Wouldn't ya know, it didn't work. Just light night, a quarter size brown recluse charged me as I folded laundry on the floor. My trusty flip flop took care of that funny business.
There are vents in each bathroom, as in most bathrooms anymore. The difference with ours is that when you turn it on, it sounds like you just started up a '67 Nova in the bathroom. If that were actually the case, I might not complain. So if I am in the downstairs bathroom, and the kids are in the living room, I cannot hear a DARN thing. Then when Boats has his man time in the bathroom, the vent has to run forever and you have to jack up the volume on the TV to hear over it!
On the same note, the air conditioner is crazy loud too. At our old house, you could hear the unit kick on and the air blowing out a bit, but nothing disruptive. The unit is so loud, I actually do everything I can to avoid turning it on at all! At least it cools the house down fast and I can shut it off.
Then there is the hall closet door. It is a bi-fold door, and a few days after moving in Bug opened it to get her shoes out. The whole dang thing fell OFF the hinges and on top of HER!! That call to maintenance was not so nice, but at least the girl on the other end was very understanding as to why I was so ticked. The guy came out and fixed it and said he was going to order a new door because our was busted (duh) but we never heard anything else about it. Today it fell off again. Luckily I was the one opening it and I caught it before it actually fell. But really??!? Come on! Give a girl a break. I don't want to call and give them this crazy long list, but lets be real here... they are getting a crap ton of money in rent, the least they can do is a few upgrades and make sure there are not life threatening bugs in the house!!
So while I am loving getting my Cali color back in the 80+ degree weather, I would also enjoy having a house that will not make me go gray before I turn 26 next month! Once I get a little more time, Ill put up some photos of the house :) Even if it hates me, I still made it all purdy on the inside.
Mrs. J.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Something missing?
I have been toying with the idea of deleting this blog and starting fresh. Fact is... I'm too lazy to start over entirely. Maybe not 'lazy', more like too busy. Between school, a cross country move, getting settled into a new house, and the daily in and out of taking care of kids and my marriage... I'm exhausted by the end of the day! So instead, I decided to remove some of the more negative postings on here and to work harder to not put things out there that not everyone needs to know about. Simple as that. It's something I have said a hundred times, but I have a hard time enforcing it on myself when I get flustered or feel like venting. I seem to always bring it here, and that is something I never wanted for my blog. So if it looks like some posts are missing... they are.
With that said, on to a quick update. We moved into our house one week ago today! We are still getting settled, but it is just about done. Boats checked into his command today (boo!) but I know he needs to be back in his element. He loves what he does and has greatly missed it the last few years in Great Lakes. I'm ready for him to come home smelling like the ship again. Weird, I know... but it's the little things we forget about that I have grown to have an appreciation for. I am anxious to put the finishing touches on our home over the next few days and have some sort of order back in all of our lives. Not being on a structured schedule has really messed with the kids. We got lucky though and we have neighbors that have two kids the same age and gender as Bubba and Bug, so they have been playing their little hearts out! I love the days they have played so hard, they come in for dinner and they are ASKING to go to bed right after, haha. Don't need to ask me twice!
Now that I have reminded myself of how much I have to do, I am gonna end it here. I am hoping to find time to add some photos soon and doing a mini revamp of the blog. I need to open up my windows and blinds to enjoy the 70's today while I get my neat freak on! :) Have a great week, friends!
With that said, on to a quick update. We moved into our house one week ago today! We are still getting settled, but it is just about done. Boats checked into his command today (boo!) but I know he needs to be back in his element. He loves what he does and has greatly missed it the last few years in Great Lakes. I'm ready for him to come home smelling like the ship again. Weird, I know... but it's the little things we forget about that I have grown to have an appreciation for. I am anxious to put the finishing touches on our home over the next few days and have some sort of order back in all of our lives. Not being on a structured schedule has really messed with the kids. We got lucky though and we have neighbors that have two kids the same age and gender as Bubba and Bug, so they have been playing their little hearts out! I love the days they have played so hard, they come in for dinner and they are ASKING to go to bed right after, haha. Don't need to ask me twice!
Now that I have reminded myself of how much I have to do, I am gonna end it here. I am hoping to find time to add some photos soon and doing a mini revamp of the blog. I need to open up my windows and blinds to enjoy the 70's today while I get my neat freak on! :) Have a great week, friends!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
We lost. He has been taken home...
Though I would like to be blogging about something light hearted right now or about the road trip to CA thus far, I can't. It is with a sad heart that I have to say goodbye to a amazing and talented man who is no longer with us.
Nic Hagg was an extremely talented guitarist who I first knew in the band Chasin Mason out of Wisconsin. More recently he started up with a band called Bar Keep who was about to relocate to Nashville, TN. I received the news yesterday from Mindy. I hadn't spoken with Nic recently, which is of course now a regret. Nic was a kind and funny guy who was always looking for the biggest things out of life. He lived big, and it showed in all the lives the touched with his music. He was always great for a heart to heart conversation, a motivational pep talk, great music, and on occasion (well... more than just occasionally, haha!) a raunchy pick up line! No doubt, he could make anyone smile. His life was just kicking off with a great career on the horizon and engaged to the woman he loved, who I hear was the best thing to ever happen to him. Nic will be missed by his friends, family and fans.
After hearing about how he passed away, something strange but equally amazing happened. I was about 4 hours into my drive to Louisville, KY to visit with my sister for a night en route to CA. All day I had been listening to my iPod. I just when to my total music list and hit shuffle. Almost 300 songs worth. On my iPod I have 5 Chasin Mason songs. All day I not heard one of their songs come up yet. Right after the the text came through explaining the cause of death, the very next song was one by Chasin Mason. So was the next one. And the next. Three in a row from the band I knew him with. I know it was coincidence, but still. It was almost like he was reminding me of what is was he loved to do and that a part of him will always be around when we need a smile in his memory. The good times I had at all the shows I went to where he performed are innumerable and invaluable. That is how I will remember him. Though we will never be able to see him in another live performance, his recorded music will always be a light to his memory.
Nic,
I know I will never fully understand the extent of the pain you have experienced in your life, but you should know that so many people are mourning your passing. You touched so many more lives than I think you realized and your bad boy image on stage will be missed. Probably more by the ladies than the fellas, but I'm sure thats how you prefer it! Your memory will always be illuminated with the musical art you left behind and permanently imprinted on the hearts of those closest to you. So cheers to you, the life that was cut short, and to those left behind trying to figure out how to carry on. My heart is with them, and my prayers are with you. I can just see you know up in heaven trying to school Jesus on the proper look for a country bad boy and sharing with Him the talents that he blessed you with. His arms are around you and your pain is no more. I look forward to seeing your smiling face when it is my time to be called home. Save a dance for me! Rest in peace, 'Ol Nic.
Nic Hagg was an extremely talented guitarist who I first knew in the band Chasin Mason out of Wisconsin. More recently he started up with a band called Bar Keep who was about to relocate to Nashville, TN. I received the news yesterday from Mindy. I hadn't spoken with Nic recently, which is of course now a regret. Nic was a kind and funny guy who was always looking for the biggest things out of life. He lived big, and it showed in all the lives the touched with his music. He was always great for a heart to heart conversation, a motivational pep talk, great music, and on occasion (well... more than just occasionally, haha!) a raunchy pick up line! No doubt, he could make anyone smile. His life was just kicking off with a great career on the horizon and engaged to the woman he loved, who I hear was the best thing to ever happen to him. Nic will be missed by his friends, family and fans.
After hearing about how he passed away, something strange but equally amazing happened. I was about 4 hours into my drive to Louisville, KY to visit with my sister for a night en route to CA. All day I had been listening to my iPod. I just when to my total music list and hit shuffle. Almost 300 songs worth. On my iPod I have 5 Chasin Mason songs. All day I not heard one of their songs come up yet. Right after the the text came through explaining the cause of death, the very next song was one by Chasin Mason. So was the next one. And the next. Three in a row from the band I knew him with. I know it was coincidence, but still. It was almost like he was reminding me of what is was he loved to do and that a part of him will always be around when we need a smile in his memory. The good times I had at all the shows I went to where he performed are innumerable and invaluable. That is how I will remember him. Though we will never be able to see him in another live performance, his recorded music will always be a light to his memory.
Nic,
I know I will never fully understand the extent of the pain you have experienced in your life, but you should know that so many people are mourning your passing. You touched so many more lives than I think you realized and your bad boy image on stage will be missed. Probably more by the ladies than the fellas, but I'm sure thats how you prefer it! Your memory will always be illuminated with the musical art you left behind and permanently imprinted on the hearts of those closest to you. So cheers to you, the life that was cut short, and to those left behind trying to figure out how to carry on. My heart is with them, and my prayers are with you. I can just see you know up in heaven trying to school Jesus on the proper look for a country bad boy and sharing with Him the talents that he blessed you with. His arms are around you and your pain is no more. I look forward to seeing your smiling face when it is my time to be called home. Save a dance for me! Rest in peace, 'Ol Nic.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Puppy Love ♥
I recently had the chance to do a photo session of me and my dogs with Kenna at Shuckhart Photography. I am in love with these photos!!
This was a much needed distraction from the chaos in my life. Thank you Kenna!
This was a much needed distraction from the chaos in my life. Thank you Kenna!
Monday, February 28, 2011
The end is near.
F I N A L L Y.
There is an end in sight. And it should be here around the 1st week of April. That is when my car will be loaded up with all the things we will need until we get settled into our new place in California.
Yep. We got orders. I'm not entirely convinced it is going to go on without a hitch. This IS the Navy we are talking about and they love the hiccups. The idea of finally having a date as to when we get to put this place in the rear view mirror is a huge weight lifted off of my chest.
It comes with a side of bitterness though. I know that the friends I have kept here are the ones I will see again someday. Its funny though, me and my lady (lets just call her the Soulless Ginger, hahaha :)) went to the city this weekend. My first REAL trip to the city. We actually talked about that it took her and I a little while to actually become friends, but I know that there is literally nothing I can't trust her with and vice versa. We have been through some of the biggest testers of friendship and sailed through with flying colors. I don't know what it is about redheads, but apparently they make the best friends for me, hahaha! Me and my two redheads are already making plans of when we will be seeing each other after I leave here. These are the ones I need close to me. Not necessarily in distance, but where it matters. In the heart. That's where they will always be. There is probably one other friend here (not a redhead, but she might as well be!) who I trust with my life. We have shared things about ourselves with each other and there is never any judgment, nor a fear of anyone else ever hearing about it. Things she told me stay with me, things I told her, stay with her. She is definitely one of the people I respect the most around here for not allowing the pressure of the cluckers here get to her and spill any thing said to her in private. She truly is one of 'The Greats' :)).
The ones I let go of will finally be out of it forever. The sting of the betrayals might always linger, but they serve as a lesson learned. Some people I think I clung to too fast. Put too much faith into. That's the down side to being a military spouse. We move and loose virtually all of our friends in the area. We get desperate to make new ones to save ourselves from boredom and loneliness that we jump into these friendships without taking to time to find out of we are really compatible friends. Its just like dating really. I think, of ALL the lessons I am taking away from here, that is the number one lesson. Don't jump into a friendship out of loneliness. The pain that can result from the failed friendship will always be worse than the loneliness. Times ten.
So this turned into a totally different post than I meant for it to, haha! Anyhow, I am off to another dental appointment.
For the 3 ladies mentioned (2 redheads and The Great), I love you. Each of you have enriched my life in ways I never knew I needed. You have all set the bar for what friends are supposed to be ridiculously high, and I can't thank you enough for always being there for me when I needed you most, keeping my secrets and trusting me with yours. You guys define true love. [In the platonic sense. Except on Thursdays, haha] So much more can be said... but for now, I'll leave it at that :))
There is an end in sight. And it should be here around the 1st week of April. That is when my car will be loaded up with all the things we will need until we get settled into our new place in California.
Yep. We got orders. I'm not entirely convinced it is going to go on without a hitch. This IS the Navy we are talking about and they love the hiccups. The idea of finally having a date as to when we get to put this place in the rear view mirror is a huge weight lifted off of my chest.
It comes with a side of bitterness though. I know that the friends I have kept here are the ones I will see again someday. Its funny though, me and my lady (lets just call her the Soulless Ginger, hahaha :)) went to the city this weekend. My first REAL trip to the city. We actually talked about that it took her and I a little while to actually become friends, but I know that there is literally nothing I can't trust her with and vice versa. We have been through some of the biggest testers of friendship and sailed through with flying colors. I don't know what it is about redheads, but apparently they make the best friends for me, hahaha! Me and my two redheads are already making plans of when we will be seeing each other after I leave here. These are the ones I need close to me. Not necessarily in distance, but where it matters. In the heart. That's where they will always be. There is probably one other friend here (not a redhead, but she might as well be!) who I trust with my life. We have shared things about ourselves with each other and there is never any judgment, nor a fear of anyone else ever hearing about it. Things she told me stay with me, things I told her, stay with her. She is definitely one of the people I respect the most around here for not allowing the pressure of the cluckers here get to her and spill any thing said to her in private. She truly is one of 'The Greats' :)).
The ones I let go of will finally be out of it forever. The sting of the betrayals might always linger, but they serve as a lesson learned. Some people I think I clung to too fast. Put too much faith into. That's the down side to being a military spouse. We move and loose virtually all of our friends in the area. We get desperate to make new ones to save ourselves from boredom and loneliness that we jump into these friendships without taking to time to find out of we are really compatible friends. Its just like dating really. I think, of ALL the lessons I am taking away from here, that is the number one lesson. Don't jump into a friendship out of loneliness. The pain that can result from the failed friendship will always be worse than the loneliness. Times ten.
So this turned into a totally different post than I meant for it to, haha! Anyhow, I am off to another dental appointment.
For the 3 ladies mentioned (2 redheads and The Great), I love you. Each of you have enriched my life in ways I never knew I needed. You have all set the bar for what friends are supposed to be ridiculously high, and I can't thank you enough for always being there for me when I needed you most, keeping my secrets and trusting me with yours. You guys define true love. [In the platonic sense. Except on Thursdays, haha] So much more can be said... but for now, I'll leave it at that :))
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Better you than me.
I have read a lot of heartbreaking blogs lately. Like... a lot. They have all been about the deaths of children, which is a kind of pain I hope to never know.
Something really selfish occurred to me though, that I am sure occurs to others. When we read such stories, even though we hurt for them [which is never even comparable to the parents pain] and sometimes even cry as we read them [I can admit it.] there is a little tiny part of us that is actually happy. Not happy that it happened... of course not... but happy that it wasn't us.
I think sometimes I have this crazy way of rationalizing tragedies as though there are a limited number of them, which is not true of course. But I feel like as things happen in the lives of others, it is always a lesson to cherish the moments we have, take extra precautions as necessary, and to be thankful that, this time, it wasn't us.
How incredibly selfish is that? When I really think about it, it makes me feel like an awful person. How can I be glad someone lost their child? In reality though, that is not it. It is NOT that I am happy they lost their child... that could not be further from the truth!! Part of me is just relieved that it was not MY child, nor MY story. I don't think that is too uncommon. Is it??
The idea of 'it could never happen to me' is something I link to high school health class when we talked about STDs and getting pregnant. Then I realize... hmm. I got pregnant in April of my senior year. It CAN happen to me. It did. That was one that I can say I am thankful for though :)
I know I am not invincible. Neither is my family. I just have a really hard time accepting the fact that there are things [people, situations, events] that I just can't protect my children from. I want to pull them in close and never let them venture out into the harsh, unforgiving world... but I know I can't. Unless I build some crazy bunker on an island like in Lost... now there is a thought :))
As a mom, my heart just shatters to hear stories of someone loosing their child [of all ages]. It is so hard to not just pull out of the world all together sometimes. But also as a mom, I am learning that I am not the perfect parent. I will make mistakes, have regrets and wish I could go back in time... but I am always given opportunities to be shown that I still have time. Right now. To make their lives exactly what it should be... my life has always been lived for someone else. Never for me. That's kind of hard to swallow. There are times when I just want to cut the bindings. Be free for a little while. But what would I be missing?
Too much.
Everything.
Everyone needs a little freedom, no question. I love my 'me' time. But not as much as I love looking over and seeing my baby girl snuggling with her daddy on the couch. Or as much as I love my son waltzing into my bedroom and asking me about what I did at work today. Or as much as phone calls from my oldest [even though they are just as heartbreaking] telling me how much he misses me.
I would give up e v e r y t h i n g for them. Freedom, happiness, parties, sunshine... anything.
The best part is... they aren't asking me to.
I have these amazing little people in my life that I could not imagine them NOT being in my life. So when I am forced to consider the idea that something could happen to them that I cannot control... it devastates me. When bad things happen, I will always have that little part being just slightly thankful it wasn't us. I am human.
Something really selfish occurred to me though, that I am sure occurs to others. When we read such stories, even though we hurt for them [which is never even comparable to the parents pain] and sometimes even cry as we read them [I can admit it.] there is a little tiny part of us that is actually happy. Not happy that it happened... of course not... but happy that it wasn't us.
I think sometimes I have this crazy way of rationalizing tragedies as though there are a limited number of them, which is not true of course. But I feel like as things happen in the lives of others, it is always a lesson to cherish the moments we have, take extra precautions as necessary, and to be thankful that, this time, it wasn't us.
How incredibly selfish is that? When I really think about it, it makes me feel like an awful person. How can I be glad someone lost their child? In reality though, that is not it. It is NOT that I am happy they lost their child... that could not be further from the truth!! Part of me is just relieved that it was not MY child, nor MY story. I don't think that is too uncommon. Is it??
The idea of 'it could never happen to me' is something I link to high school health class when we talked about STDs and getting pregnant. Then I realize... hmm. I got pregnant in April of my senior year. It CAN happen to me. It did. That was one that I can say I am thankful for though :)
I know I am not invincible. Neither is my family. I just have a really hard time accepting the fact that there are things [people, situations, events] that I just can't protect my children from. I want to pull them in close and never let them venture out into the harsh, unforgiving world... but I know I can't. Unless I build some crazy bunker on an island like in Lost... now there is a thought :))
As a mom, my heart just shatters to hear stories of someone loosing their child [of all ages]. It is so hard to not just pull out of the world all together sometimes. But also as a mom, I am learning that I am not the perfect parent. I will make mistakes, have regrets and wish I could go back in time... but I am always given opportunities to be shown that I still have time. Right now. To make their lives exactly what it should be... my life has always been lived for someone else. Never for me. That's kind of hard to swallow. There are times when I just want to cut the bindings. Be free for a little while. But what would I be missing?
Too much.
Everything.
Everyone needs a little freedom, no question. I love my 'me' time. But not as much as I love looking over and seeing my baby girl snuggling with her daddy on the couch. Or as much as I love my son waltzing into my bedroom and asking me about what I did at work today. Or as much as phone calls from my oldest [even though they are just as heartbreaking] telling me how much he misses me.
I would give up e v e r y t h i n g for them. Freedom, happiness, parties, sunshine... anything.
The best part is... they aren't asking me to.
I have these amazing little people in my life that I could not imagine them NOT being in my life. So when I am forced to consider the idea that something could happen to them that I cannot control... it devastates me. When bad things happen, I will always have that little part being just slightly thankful it wasn't us. I am human.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Back to Him.
There is something that has been weighing really heavily on me lately. That wedge I placed between me and my relationship with God. I'm not sure when it got there, but I feel it. I've stopped turning to Him first in times of need. I have been trying to deal with everything on my own, and while I'm being honest... that isn't going so well for me. It seems like it has been forever since I have actually felt Him with me, but that is my fault.
This weekend I received a rough reality check.
I went up for an awesome night out with my bestie on Friday night. Saturday morning, I headed out early to make it back home for the Polar Bear Plunge. As soon as I left, something was off. Apparently both of my front tires decided to deflate significantly over night. Not a huge deal right? Just stop off and get some air in them. Well on the way to a gas station, my car was slipping and sliding all over the place after an over night snow. I put it off to the deflation of the front tires and that as soon as I got them refilled, it would be fine.
I pull into a gas station and hop out to check the tires and get the caps off so I can refill them. The caps were frozen on. I had no tools with me to get them off, and apparently you cant get a wrench or pliers at a gas station. I call Mindy and she is able to swing by before going to cheer practice with the tools. I get them off and get them filled up (my PSI is supposed to be 41 and it was less than 20 in both my front tires...) and be on my way.
I was still doing some slipping around, but I know that sometimes side streets aren't attended to as fast as main roads. Surely the highway was going to be better. Wrong.
I made it 25 miles in over 1 hours. The trip in total is 120 miles and usually only takes me 2 hours. I had to pull off the road 3 times because I was actually having panic attacks from all the sliding my car was doing. It seemed like I was the only car having that problem. People were just FLYING past me. I was crying and shaking and I'm pretty sure I surpassed white knuckles into straight up bloody fingers from the death grip I had on the steering wheel.
The last time I pulled off the freeway, I realized that I was trying to do all of this on my own. I wasn't asking God to keep me safe. I gave myself a few more minutes of breathing time before I sucked it up and went back to the freeway. I was still sliding a little, but not nearly as much. About 10 miles in, the roads cleared up it seemed and it was smooth sailing. Any time I felt the sway of the car start, I just pressed on, confident I would be fine.
Soon I began to see what it was I was so afraid of. A little bit before I reached Milwaukee, I began to see accident after accident. 8 in total. Not just minor fender benders either. I'm talking about major accidents, of which some I am sure were fatal. One vans entire back end was gone. Then there was the blue pick up truck that was on its side. After I passed the 5th or 6th accident, I realized I had stopped praying for myself, and I was praying for the people in these cars and their families. I don't even think it was right until that moment that I realized how much I had shut myself off from God. I'm not sure why it happened, but I can see now that it did. All I can do is work on changing that everyday. Make a conscious effort to look to Him more often... not just at a time when I feel desperate.
Slowly but surely... I'll get there. The hard lesson I am learning now is that everything really does happen for a reason. Situations that seem impossible right now will turn out to be great things. I'm never in total darkness.
This weekend I received a rough reality check.
I went up for an awesome night out with my bestie on Friday night. Saturday morning, I headed out early to make it back home for the Polar Bear Plunge. As soon as I left, something was off. Apparently both of my front tires decided to deflate significantly over night. Not a huge deal right? Just stop off and get some air in them. Well on the way to a gas station, my car was slipping and sliding all over the place after an over night snow. I put it off to the deflation of the front tires and that as soon as I got them refilled, it would be fine.
I pull into a gas station and hop out to check the tires and get the caps off so I can refill them. The caps were frozen on. I had no tools with me to get them off, and apparently you cant get a wrench or pliers at a gas station. I call Mindy and she is able to swing by before going to cheer practice with the tools. I get them off and get them filled up (my PSI is supposed to be 41 and it was less than 20 in both my front tires...) and be on my way.
I was still doing some slipping around, but I know that sometimes side streets aren't attended to as fast as main roads. Surely the highway was going to be better. Wrong.
I made it 25 miles in over 1 hours. The trip in total is 120 miles and usually only takes me 2 hours. I had to pull off the road 3 times because I was actually having panic attacks from all the sliding my car was doing. It seemed like I was the only car having that problem. People were just FLYING past me. I was crying and shaking and I'm pretty sure I surpassed white knuckles into straight up bloody fingers from the death grip I had on the steering wheel.
The last time I pulled off the freeway, I realized that I was trying to do all of this on my own. I wasn't asking God to keep me safe. I gave myself a few more minutes of breathing time before I sucked it up and went back to the freeway. I was still sliding a little, but not nearly as much. About 10 miles in, the roads cleared up it seemed and it was smooth sailing. Any time I felt the sway of the car start, I just pressed on, confident I would be fine.
Soon I began to see what it was I was so afraid of. A little bit before I reached Milwaukee, I began to see accident after accident. 8 in total. Not just minor fender benders either. I'm talking about major accidents, of which some I am sure were fatal. One vans entire back end was gone. Then there was the blue pick up truck that was on its side. After I passed the 5th or 6th accident, I realized I had stopped praying for myself, and I was praying for the people in these cars and their families. I don't even think it was right until that moment that I realized how much I had shut myself off from God. I'm not sure why it happened, but I can see now that it did. All I can do is work on changing that everyday. Make a conscious effort to look to Him more often... not just at a time when I feel desperate.
Slowly but surely... I'll get there. The hard lesson I am learning now is that everything really does happen for a reason. Situations that seem impossible right now will turn out to be great things. I'm never in total darkness.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
You're my best.
Sometimes I think being a mom is the hardest job in the world. Other times, I think that could not be any further from the truth. What 'job' yields such a high reward? How many jobs are out there that allow you to witness first hand all of the very best parts of you on the outside, growing and learning?
None.
There is a phrase I use with my kids all the time. I often tell each of them 'You're my best.' I'll say it whenever really, but I almost always whisper it to them right after I tuck them in for the night. My always inquisitive two year old asked me the other night as I was getting some snuggles from her as I tucked her in, "Mommy, how I you best?" I couldn't help but smile. None of them had ever asked me that, but of course I had the answer. I told her that before God made her, He looked deep into Mommy and Daddy and found the very best parts of us to piece her together. It took Him a long time of course... about 9 months or so. But when she was finally perfected, He gave her her birthday. So when I say 'You're my best.' it is because all of the very best things about me are embodied in her. I didn't expect her to understand it really. Not yet anyway, but she seemed satisfied with that answer and slipped off to dream land.
Sometimes I find myself wondering about what kinds of things she will tell her babies to let them know that she holds nothing higher in her heart than them. That they have all of her best.
On a more silly note, on our way to church today Bug gave Bubba a quick lesson in match accessories! She has these little beaded bracelets my mom gave her for Christmas. She carries around a few with her at all times, and today she had some red ones and some brown ones. She was actually sharing with her brother for once and after she gave him a red one she gasped and exclaimed "It matches you jacket!!" and it did. She looked back at the other ones she had and squealed and chucked him a second one yelling "And this one matches you boots!!!" It was brown, like his boots. Her little face was just glowing and Bubba just looked baffled. He asked her why they had to match. Her answer: "The colors have to go the same or you look messy, just messy." She shook her head in disgust for his lack of understanding and I was dying of laughter. Once Bubba got the concept, he started point out other things they matched just to prove to her he got it. That seemed to make it better :))
What kind of 'job' gives you endless moments like THAT??
None.
There is a phrase I use with my kids all the time. I often tell each of them 'You're my best.' I'll say it whenever really, but I almost always whisper it to them right after I tuck them in for the night. My always inquisitive two year old asked me the other night as I was getting some snuggles from her as I tucked her in, "Mommy, how I you best?" I couldn't help but smile. None of them had ever asked me that, but of course I had the answer. I told her that before God made her, He looked deep into Mommy and Daddy and found the very best parts of us to piece her together. It took Him a long time of course... about 9 months or so. But when she was finally perfected, He gave her her birthday. So when I say 'You're my best.' it is because all of the very best things about me are embodied in her. I didn't expect her to understand it really. Not yet anyway, but she seemed satisfied with that answer and slipped off to dream land.
Sometimes I find myself wondering about what kinds of things she will tell her babies to let them know that she holds nothing higher in her heart than them. That they have all of her best.
On a more silly note, on our way to church today Bug gave Bubba a quick lesson in match accessories! She has these little beaded bracelets my mom gave her for Christmas. She carries around a few with her at all times, and today she had some red ones and some brown ones. She was actually sharing with her brother for once and after she gave him a red one she gasped and exclaimed "It matches you jacket!!" and it did. She looked back at the other ones she had and squealed and chucked him a second one yelling "And this one matches you boots!!!" It was brown, like his boots. Her little face was just glowing and Bubba just looked baffled. He asked her why they had to match. Her answer: "The colors have to go the same or you look messy, just messy." She shook her head in disgust for his lack of understanding and I was dying of laughter. Once Bubba got the concept, he started point out other things they matched just to prove to her he got it. That seemed to make it better :))
What kind of 'job' gives you endless moments like THAT??
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Turning a new page.
Heres the idea... I want to begin to distance myself from the consuming black hole of Facebook. I know myself too well to think that I could ever actually get rid of it. With school starting back up tomorrow I am hoping that I will be forced to push myself away from the computer and social networks. It has become to easy, as my awesome friend PJ the Great pointed out, to stop actually connecting with people in real life and only doing it online. I am apart of some debate pages that quite frankly make me sick. Yet there is an entertainment value. Its almost like watching a soap opera, but these are real people saying awful things to and about eachother yet all claiming to share a common bond of being a military wife. Just another reason I am glad to not participate in the local spouse groups anymore. All they are is a reason to create a cliq where outsiders are not welcome and gossip is their life line.
Life at home is not always sunshine and rainbows. Lets face it, thats no secret. But it should have been. I trusted the wrong people. People I never would have met with out networks such as the ones I spoke of earlier. Temptations are lurking around every corner and I am not in the right place to be able to resist them forever. Thats just fact. I know many think I am this awful person who is mean or has anger problems and to a point, its true. However it takes A LOT to get to me to level of explosion. More than most, and I am not a push over who will let things slide just to turn around and flap the gums about it later. I have some amazing things going on in my life right now and in the near future and those things should be shared with the people who love me in real life. Not the ones who just pretend to be friends to be in the know so they have something to talk about with the other no life blabbers. I have fully admitted to being someone who likes to know what others are up to, but never... not ever... have I taken that information and spread it to others. I guess class is not on a list of desirable traits anymore. Pitty.
Life at home is not always sunshine and rainbows. Lets face it, thats no secret. But it should have been. I trusted the wrong people. People I never would have met with out networks such as the ones I spoke of earlier. Temptations are lurking around every corner and I am not in the right place to be able to resist them forever. Thats just fact. I know many think I am this awful person who is mean or has anger problems and to a point, its true. However it takes A LOT to get to me to level of explosion. More than most, and I am not a push over who will let things slide just to turn around and flap the gums about it later. I have some amazing things going on in my life right now and in the near future and those things should be shared with the people who love me in real life. Not the ones who just pretend to be friends to be in the know so they have something to talk about with the other no life blabbers. I have fully admitted to being someone who likes to know what others are up to, but never... not ever... have I taken that information and spread it to others. I guess class is not on a list of desirable traits anymore. Pitty.
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