10.10.10

Yesterday I was baptized :) My great friend Lynn was the one who performed it for me. I asked her to do it because she has truly been that pivotal person assisting me on my journey to God. Here is the testimony I had written that I read before I was baptized:

I first came to the Chapel in February of this year, and I came in with a lot of doubt, but an open mind. Every week I felt more and more comfortable and the lessons always seemed to speak to my heart. A lot of new truths about Jesus were presented to me, but one stuck out more than the rest. It was the idea that HE pursued ME, which seemed ridiculous. Why did I matter? I felt like all the doubt I carried around with me would be too much for Him to begin to sort through and file away for me. Of course I was wrong. Little by little, doubt by doubt, He settled down and made himself comfortable in my heart before I even realized it and began taking down the bricks. When I began to really feel and accept His love is when I realized I had already been saved from myself. I was a cold, manipulative and controlling person who couldn’t see far enough past my own needs to nurture the relationships around me. When I finally opened up my heart to Christ… I could breathe. Not having this urgent sense of needing to be in control was what I needed all along.

I made a lot of changes in my life. I got rid of the toxic people who always tried to bring me away from my journey to God or who kept trying to plant more doubt. When I finally got the people around me at the proper distances, my relationship with God began to soar.

I wish I could say life was perfect at this point in time for me, but its not. I am faced with this time in my life where I will have to stand on my own two feet. While I am not ready for that just yet, I have found a comfortable spot in the arms of Christ, who I know is carrying me and my children through the ruins until I reach a safe point. At the end of the day, I understand and accept that tomorrow has already been written for me. His plan is perfect and exact, and I don’t NEED to be in control. Everyday He continues to bless me and let me feel his embrace even when I feel less than worthy of His love. He loves me anyway. One of my favorite worship songs says it best ‘Your Grace has found me just as I am. Empty handed but alive in Your hands.’ I have nothing to offer Christ but this broken and bleeding heart, and that’s all he is asking. While I know I am still a work in progress, I know my Savior is prepared to get his hands dirty for me.

Thank you, times a million.

I don't have a lot of time at the moment, I have homework to finish by 11 pm tonight, but I wanted to do a quick update.

Can I just say how FLOORED I am by the overwhelming personal responses I got to my Prayer Request blog post from last week? Not only did I get just messages, phone calls, texts and emails, but I got the ultimate answer to what it was all about.

As I said in the post, I attend The Chapel in Libertyville. Its my home church, and no matter how far the Navy takes us, they will always be my first real church family. I fully credit everyone there (Lynn, Krystie, Heidi, Kim, Matt, Jeff, Thomas, Steven, Danina, Hope, Tony and so many more) for me being where I am today. No matter how short some of our interactions have been, they matter. I was broken, stubborn, cold, shut off and almost dead inside until you all became my light. I met Thomas first, and I just cant say enough of how instrumental he was in lighting my path not only to God, but to fixing my failing marriage, that has grown and flourished since then into something I never thought it could be. I could not have taken these steps towards an amazing and passionate relationship with God with out every single one of you.

I wrote my last blog with no motive other than the obvious, extra prayer! Not long after it was posted, my TGA leader called me to tell me it had her in tears. I admit, I thought she lost her marbles for a minute (haha, love ya!) but I understand that it came on a very personal level of acknowledgment that SHE is in fact making a difference. After she read it, passed it on the the TGA director, who was in a meeting and shared it with the folks there. It continued on this little path until it landed in the hands of our campus pastor, Matt who read it and decided he was going to use it in that weekends message.

Wow.

I didn't know what to say. Never in my life did I think my little ramblings on here actually affected other people in such a way.

So there I was, sitting in service and Matt pulls my blog up on his blackberry and reads a good portion of it to help inspire others to want to volunteer with TGA. I'm still pretty much at a loss for words on how that felt to me. All three of the services at my home church heard that.

Sometimes we feel pretty insignificant, and then we are shown just how wrong we are.

As you can guess, I accepted the leadership role and today was my first real day in action, though I wasn't fully expecting it yet, lol. I am surrounded by some amazing and beautiful people who are just so accepting and if I screwed anything up, they never let on!

As I sit here in the quiet, I think about all the changes in my life in the last year. I have no doubt in my mind that the me today is better, more loving, accepting, understanding, compassionate, and forgiving than the me less than a year ago.

I also know, I never could have gotten here today on my own.

So thank you. You ALL know who you are.

Mrs. J

Prayer Request

I know a lot of my friends out there pray regularly. If that's you, I need some of your prayer power! A wonderful opportunity to serve God and my church has been presented to me, but I don't want to jump on it. I need to be sure that its the right opportunity and the right time.

Every other Sunday I serve at my church, The Chapel in Libertyville (holla!), in the infant room. Some of you may be thinking 'Big deal!', and maybe you are right. The way I see it, and the way its been taught to me, is that I really am an essential person in His Army at our church. Without me and my fellow TGA'ers, parents would not have a place to leave their children so that they may have quality worship time. There is no harder time to leave your child with a stranger than in the infant stage! Our team, as well as all the other classrooms, might be that very first connection a child has to God. By holding and comforting a baby with all the love in our hearts, even just for an hour, they are able to begin to witness the love He has put in our hearts. We get to show them His love, through our own.

Some parents are antsy and nervous to leave their precious babies. Something I understand very well! Just this last weekend, it made me feel so great that when a good friend of mine, who was visiting our church for the 1st time, learned that I would be in the room with her daughter that it put her at ease. It was a relief for her, as it was for me!

The role we play is a pivotal one. Without us, some people may not get the chance to connect with God in worship every Sunday. It might not be a big deal to you, but I love knowing that the parents of the children I help care for get that chance.

Now that I have explain all of that, I'll move on to the prayer request. Each classroom as what is called an 'Experienced Leader'. The EL is the first person in the line of the 'chain of command'. Much like an assistant manager. They are the one to lead our important huddle time before we serve (the time in which we get together and all pray together before serving. Without asking for His help, we are useless anyway), they keep in contact on a personal level with all the other volunteers, they oversee that there is enough people to serve and so on. Its a very important role.

I have been asked to step up to that role.

Most of you know I am still on my journey with Christ, and despite that, my team leader has asked me to think about this being another step for me. I cant say enough how amazing that makes me feel, that she thinks I would be great at this. In the same breath, it scares the heck out of me. What if I fail her expectations? What if I fail those that I am supposed to oversee? Worse yet... what if I disappoint Him by not being able to fulfill the position?

So there it is folks. I need some help. I will be in prayer about it for myself, but I could always use the help of you all! My prayers are asking that He will let me know in some way if this is the right move for me, as well as my team and my family. I want to do this because I am supposed to, not from any sense of obligation. I also pray that if this is what His will is for me, that I am able to do it well and that it will help bring me closer to Him.

-Mrs. J