Missing person.

Where has she gone?

You know... that girl that used to be confident, fearless, and sassy. I have had one hell of a time trying to track her down these days. Every once in a while she will emerge. But her stay is always short and seems to end with a major crash and burn leaving her more damaged than before.

I know what did it. Its nothing that can be taken back either, just worked through.

She takes the most innocent comments to heart, and they almost always crush her like a metric ton. Sadness riddles her face and heart, but the really sad part is that she is not the only victim. When she suffers, so do her kids. But you know what helps her snap out of her fog?

Her kids.

When you see her, you will never know about the continuous battle being waged inside her chest. You will never see the countless insecurities, because even when she reveals them to select people, they just tell her she is being ridiculous and that she should not feel that way. They don't realize, that doesn't help. It's not that she is always asking for help... but just an ear. She knows there is no magic word or pill or anything that can take it all away. Except one.

So she waits. And prays. Repeat.

Her awakening is coming. But for now, she is just missing. Her body will go through the motions, but there is hardly anything left inside. How do you live with a person like that? God only knows.

So don't patronize her. Don't tell her that some day it will all be fine. Don't tell her to stop thinking about the few pounds she wants to loose. Focusing on ANYthing is good for her when she feels like she retains nothing she reads, hears or sees anymore. Don't tell her it could be worse. For her, it can't.

Everything feels like a personal attack or rejection. Everything. Take a minute to think about how that would feel. Even perfect strangers have a sickening amount of power over her. Their words can rip through her and cause even more doubt in herself even when that is not their intention.

You have no idea the amounts of hell she has had to endure. Maybe yours has been pretty bad too, or worse even. But do not try to compare. It will not help either of you.

Don't think that by telling her how awful your life has been, that it will make her feel better. It wont. It just creates additional hurt for you. She doesn't like seeing her friends in pain either.

The battles continue. The insecurities deepen. Pain intensifies. Wounds fester under the bandages. Faking it is the easy part. Living with it everyday feels impossible.

So she will smile. Do the things she is supposed to in order to keep people from asking questions. She's not the type to dump all her troubles on anyone else, so she won't talk about it with you. Or anyone. It's just a waiting game. I can't say what it is she needs anymore. It might be nothing. It might be everything. When your world gets repeatedly flipped upside down and violently shaken to pieces, you tend to get a little disoriented.

There is a happy side to this. She isn't totally alone. God is in her heart, and He knows it all, sees it all, and feels it all, just as she does. Her husband and her children may be oblivious aside from the mood swings, but they are there too. If it was not for them... lets just not go there. But her children should not be what is holding her together. It is not their job to wipe away the tears when it all overwhelms her.

But they do. And it breaks her heart even more.

So don't be fooled. You might think you have someone all figured out. You might think that you know all the pieces, but I assure you... you don't. A lot gets said, but even more is left unsaid. On her search for validation, she will complain about things that are just the tip of the ice berg. Her weight. Her chore list. Her studies. But each complaint has much deeper roots. It is not up to you to get to the bottom of it.

Just know that it's only the surface.

She has moments of great happiness. Everyday in fact. It's just that the happiness does not usually outweigh the worry. Not every day anyway. So until her awakening comes, wait it out. Don't retreat and leave her truly alone... because she will be back.

She has to be.