Momma's worry, It's what we do,

Today was the big day! My guy went off to his very first day of Kindergarten.

First, it should be known that he is the momma's boy. He is the one who was in bed with me for 6 months since Daddy deployed the say after he was born. He is the one who knows how I am feeling at any given moment. He is the one that tells me how much he loves me all the time; even just after getting in trouble. He is never short on love and kindness. While these are traits that I am so happy he posses... not all kids do.

Some kids are mean and take advantage of the kids who are kind. So how do I deal with the fact that inevitably, someday, another kid will be mean to my sweet baby?

How would I help him cope if he has some sort of fluke accident and pees his pants or something?

These are the questions ripping at my heart today. I may or may not ever have to face them, but chances are, HE will. It is up to him to come to me. Not to mention what he said to me last night when I tucked him in. I asked him if he was excited about starting school and he told me he was just a little bit scared. When I asked him why, he said because he didn't want us to have to worry about wasting money on new things for him for school.

Ouch.

I never meant for them to realize things like that, though I suppose him having an awareness of money isn't the worst thing in the world. However, I realized how much I let our current issue affect him. This last payday, we got $0. Yea... Bank of America (who will go down in history as the absolute worst bank ever in my opinion.) closed our checking account, simply stating that per the new account agreement, the could close our account at anytime. Except they chose to do it less than a week before payday, so we did not have time to switch it to another account. How nice of them to not even notify me, right? I had to find out at the ATM. So his money went there, and they won't give us access to it. At all. Then the person who is supposed to help us within his command screwed up by giving us the WRONG paperwork to get it fixed. Insult to injury. So anyway, the point is that we had no money come in this payday making things very tight. I had already gotten Bubba his new stuff for school, so I don't know how that came to be his worry, but it broke my heart. These are not things that he should even be thinking about. Period. Back to the point...

To make matters worse, his baby sister was the one who cried when we dropped him off. We took him to his classroom and off he went. After two years of preschool, it was much less dramatic than as if it were his first day ever of any kind of school. But as we left, Bug started screaming for him and telling me we couldn't leave him there, that he was HER brother and she was HIS sister and we just HAD to go back and get him. So I carried my sobbing princess down the ramp and away from the class before it got him upset as well, all the while fighting back the wall of tears that were building up. Finally she just settled into my neck and cried as I carried her back to the car. Since we got home, she hasn't left my lap. I'm ok with that :)

After Rio is over, I think I will take her down to the library here and spend some quality time with her. Daddy is gone for a few days (which is probably for the best because due to the previously discussed situation, there was no extra money for him to get smokes, making him NOT the best person to live with the last few days) so I will be focusing on my babies and working on getting into a good swing of this new schedule.

I also have some big big news still... but I have to wait just a bit longer before I can make a post about it!! Believe me, it is k i l l i n g me to not be able to post it, but soon enough! It's big for me anyway :)

Happy First Day of School everyone!!